Welcome to the Grow Inward Podcast, I am your host Adrian Petrillo.
Today I wanted to speak with you about comparison, and how the way it is portrayed in media is nearly always extremely misleading and unhealthy, but that there are also ways in which you can use this in a much more positive manner as well. I think this is a very important topic, especially at the time of recording this episode. Social media is very much still front and center at this time, and comparison is unfortunately a prominent theme found across a wide spectrum of these platforms, one that it very negative and damaging to everyone, but most especially for children.
This is a topic that is especially troubling to me, because it leverages psychological manipulation at a level that very few people truly appreciate or acknowledge. While I don’t believe this is by accident in many cases, I do think that many users inevitably fall into this trap unknowingly. This happens quite easily when every moment of their life that is shared on social media is very carefully curated and only ever showing one very specific side of those lives, the good ones!
We all know that this is simply not realistic. We all have problems and/or imperfections in some area of ourselves and/or our lives, it makes no difference who you are or where you come from. This is something that we all share, it is an undeniable truth that is simply part of being human. All of those perfectly curated lives you see on social media are nothing more than a complete illusion. Behind every single one of them lies a much deeper truth and story, and it is critically important to keep this in mind when it comes to making any kind of comparison to those lives or those people.
It’s perfectly normal to compare ourselves with others, and in general I don’t believe this is a bad thing. What makes it a bad thing is the context in which these comparisons are ultimately determined and then internalized. We will come back to this point throughout this episode, but for now let’s consider how the media uses comparison and why that matters.
There are all sorts of different media, but I think most people can easily identify the themes used by media. It doesn’t matter if this is related to personalities, marketing, messaging, body language, or any number of different mediums which serve this up to us. If you take an honest look at the portrayal of media and its messaging through the lens of comparison, you will begin to see some common themes. To name just a few, consider these for starters. Beauty, privilege, fashion, persuasion, and authority.
A brief consideration of even this very small set of examples takes very little effort to recognize how each of them are used in the context of comparison with nearly every product you stumble across, regardless of the form factor used. You see this in news anchors, headlines, billboards, photography, brands, and the list goes on and on.
Now I am not dismissing the effectiveness of these things, or even saying that they shouldn’t be used. What I am saying is that it is misleading at best. The beautiful people and images that you see about any number of products, services, advertising, or persuasion pieces that compare you to something, are not representative of reality in most cases. They “portray” something that “evokes” an emotional response which leads to a “desired outcome”. This is by definition, manipulative! When viewed through the lens of exaggerated or unrealistic comparisons, which are often used to evoke that emotional response, it is worth a step back to ask if this is acceptable when put within a more realistic context? Are these comparisons truly equal in reality, or is my psychology being hijacked to influence my emotions and behavior in my own mind?
I bring up these points in an attempt to make you think a bit more critically about so many parts of your world that are likely running on auto-pilot at this point. This is not a critical observation of you as a person, but more of us collectively as victims of our own inherent psychology. What’s really interesting is that bringing a simple awareness to these types of things and questioning them can take a great deal of power away from them, immediately. It can be far too easy to become complacent and accepting of these types of comparisons, and I believe we should stand guard over these types of things as we begin to develop our own inner awareness and growth.
Turning your attention within requires that you have the ability to tune out much of the conditioning you have been swimming in for your entire life. It is not impossible, but it can be a formidable adversary to put it lightly. Not only that, but human psychology has come a very long way, and you better believe that companies and governments who have very deep pockets pour millions of dollars into the study and implementation of using everything they learn to their advantage, for better or for worse! This is reason enough to begin paying much closer attention, and to stand guard over what you allow into your mind and your life. This is such a big part of inner growth and awareness, learn how to detach yourself from these kinds of influences that you may not have always paid such close attention to.
As you begin to examine these things more closely, it is worth the effort to evaluate how the effects of comparison are showing up in your life and the lives of those you love. Examine the different ways that these kinds of things impact self-worth, decisions, and self-expression, and look at the sources of media that appear to have the largest influence on these things in yourself and others.
In the last episode we talked about writing and journaling. This is a great way to put that journal to use, in a really useful way! As I had mentioned, writing things down and examining them more deeply is a great way to deconstruct them piece by piece, and to find out how they are influencing you. It’s a great way to really break it down and identify patterns, and then to interrupt those patterns by creating new stories and behaviors and then practicing them in your day to day life. Reflect back on these things, but also keep notes about details you notice as you explore different parts of yourself. This is so incredibly helpful and effective, it really is a great way to overcome any challenges you have, and this comparison game is no exception!
If you think about advertising and how there seems to be this endless parade of beautiful people at the heart of it, it isn’t hard to understand how it makes us “normal people” feel less than. The truth is that we are all beautiful, but when we are only looking on the surface for that beauty it will always leave us feeling empty because the truth is that the world is not full of that kind of beauty on the surface, that beauty is what lies within. Beauty is found in who we really are, the ways that we love, the ways that we listen, and the ways that we live. It is in the way that we care for those who are less fortunate, the ways that lift each other up, and the ways that we give a little bit of ourselves for the benefit of others.
The most beautiful people you see in advertising and social media, those people with apparently perfect lives, that is nothing but an illusion. They have the same problems that we all have, and I guarantee you their lives are anything but perfect, without exception. Being physically beautiful certainly has its privileges, but it is fleeting, impermanent, and ultimately an infinitely small part of the person within. We would all do well to remember this when getting pulled into the trap of comparisons. Don’t fall for it, it is not representative of the real truth!
Comparison is pervasive in our society today, and it isn’t hard to understand why. It tends to be mostly used as leverage in the pursuit of attention and popularity or authority and persuasion, but I believe that there is a healthier way to use comparison.
I think that comparison can be used as a very beneficial and healthy tool, but that comes down to how that comparison is determined and then internalized. Let’s explore this just a bit more, because I think that it is one thing to stand guard over negatively oriented comparison, but we should also remember that there is always another perspective worth exploring. Remember mindset is everything!
With that in mind, comparison can be viewed in a very different way as well. In fact, I think it is good to have others to look up to, those who have qualities which we admire and aspire to reach in our own lives. If we want to use comparison as a tool for our own growth, why not emulate someone whom we admire? We should be mindful to reach high, but also reach within our limits.
This is an area where I hate to tread in some ways, because I believe that we are all capable of so much more than we believe. I believe that we are, in truth, essentially limitless, and that we are far more magical than we realize at this point in the story of humanity. I suspect that this will be revealed in due time, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Without trying to impose any real or imaginary boundaries on you, let’s just for the sake of this exercise try to remain somewhat grounded in what feels realistically within our reach. This will be different for everyone, but you will know your sweet spot better than anyone else!
I think that taking small steps toward what you aspire to be is the best way to ultimately find your way there, no matter what that is. It’s no surprise that consistently taking small steps every single day will get you much further over time than trying to work really hard in some limited short burst of effort. It also happens to be much more approachable, helps to effectively develop and integrate a new habit into your life, and it often reveals a steady trail of progress that will inevitably motivate you to continue your efforts. Now that’s a winning hand, in my opinion!
For the kinds of things that are difficult or impossible to aspire to, such as outward beauty, maybe you could modify that to become the most beautiful person you can possibly be. How do you do that? You do it by cultivating all of the things that are within your control, and you take small steps toward that end day by day, week by week, and year by year. Give yourself some grace along the way as well, reach for those things which you are absolutely in control of and do your very best. You can make enormous and rewarding strides that do move you closer toward your goals. Maybe you should consider keeping track of these efforts with your journal (laughs).
If you are using your journal (and you should) try also paying attention to how comparisons appear to be affecting you over the course of 30 days or so. It can be an interesting observation exercise that will help you identify your findings and then challenge them. Do this in tandem with using comparisons in a healthy way that stretches you ever closer to your own goals as we just discussed.
I think it is important to also mention that in all of these things that we discuss, I always want you to explore your own creativity in finding ways to implement these things. After all this is part of your own journey inward, and your creativity is very unique to you. It wants to help you find ways that will help and serve you, but you must exercise it often and allow it to present itself to you.
Until next time, never underestimate the power you have within you, and keep Growing Inward.
